i’m keeping this blog too. i don’t care that it’s pointless. i’m a hoarder and can’t get rid of anything, even duplicate blogs.

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moving… for now

so i’ve decided to give blogspot a whirl. knowing my epic indecisiveness, i may change my mind and come back. but for now i will only be posting there.

please go to and update any bookmarks you may have (if i was lucky enough to get bookmarked). thank you and see you on blogger!

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decisions decisions

i am so useless when it comes to making decisions. options stress me out! and yet i always want to know… what are my choices? the problem is, i hate choosing. do i want to order the chicken or the beef? should i buy this shirt in blue or green? etc etc ad nauseum. i don’t know! i don’t know! usually i buy both shirts or neither. i order the chicken, then run up to the server and change to beef. then possibly back to chicken. and i worry until the meal arrives that i picked the wrong one. it’s a disease i tell you.

so this is the decision i’m facing now. stay with wordpress or move to blogspot. i only fell into wordpress because that’s what spaces upgraded me to. what’s the difference? which one is better? where will i get more readers? i read somewhere that wordpress is better and recommended for “professional blogging”, but i’m not a professional. and everyone else i know seems to be on blogger.

heeeeeelllllllllllllp! stupid choices. and of course then there’s the actual theme/look of the blog that is a whole other slew of ulcer inducing options.

so i imported this blog to blogger and now have to decide where to make my permanent home. what do you think? please give me some feedback!

(not sure if this is the look i’d keep or not)

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god bless the gentiles

the christian singles, to be specific.

i logged in to my blog today to see if i had any new comments, but alas, there were none. so i went to check my stats, to see if anyone had even been on my site today, certain my visitor count would be next to none. but jumpin jehosephat, i had 30 hits! don’t scoff, that’s a busy day for me. i’m not one of the popular cool kids, so don’t make fun. anyhoo, where was i? oh right, jehosephat. i was shocked. where were these people coming from? time to check out the referring sites that led them to me. one view came from another blog that i frequent, but the remaining 29 came from some weird long link that was unfamiliar to me. so of course i clicked it.

ChristianMingle dot com. with a cute little jesus fish in the logo. what the-? how on earth did people go from being on a christian dating site to reading a sarcastic jewish girl’s blog? hmm…. well i did have the word “jesus” in a recent title…. still doesn’t make sense. but i don’t care; thirty hits, woohoo! so i threw in a little ‘god bless’ and ‘jehosephat’ for my new religious pals.

sadly though, my blog doesn’t have the same fancy features as ChristianMingle, like christian dating tips, searchable bible, or bible verse of the day. But i will leave you with these wise words:

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my secret blog

yeah, that’s right, i had a secret blog. i created a brand new secret email address with absolutely no info about who i really was. with my new secret email address i started a new secret blog. i didn’t tell anyone about it. being completely anonymous allowed me to write anything i wanted. i didn’t have to be clever or funny or even kind. i could speak without fear of repercussions and unburden myself of any troublesome thoughts, emotions, or experiences that weighed on my mind. it had the confidentiality of writing in a diary, but with the occasional comment from total, objective strangers. it was very therapeutic. 

that was about two and half years ago, maybe more. i can’t remember when exactly i made my last entry, but the secret blog fell by the wayside. abandoned. forgotten. then today i remembered. i decided to log in to that old secret blog and read over all my old secret thoughts. but it’s gone! well, not gone exactly, but it’s just a title page. the name and the tag line are there… but no posts, no archives, no evidence that i ever shared a single word. i tried futilely to log in as my secret self, only to be welcomed as a new user. for 45 minutes or so i desperately tried to access my old site and find my old entries, searching through questions and answers, help groups, etc etc etc… all paths have led to dead ends, and i have given up.

i’m sad that my old entries have been lost. my secrets have been swallowed up into some dark void, confined once more only to the private recesses of my mind.

well, at least anonymity won’t be a problem.

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i’d beat jesus

…in a who could live longer competition. oh sorry, is that sacrilegious? am i offending people? pfft, lighten up.

sigh… another year older.

birthdays aren’t as much fun as they used to be. no more roller skating parties, pin the tail on the donkey, pointy hats and noisemakers, or loot bags with chintzy gifts. sniff sniff… yeah, those were the good ol’ days.

 i remember one year, probably when i was in grade 2 or 3, scented erasers were all the rage. one of the pieces of “loot” at my party was this red eraser in a tube, designed to look kind of like lipstick , that smelled of strawberries. it was heavenly! all the kids loved that eraser, it was the most talked about loot of the year. for months after my birthday, kids could be seen at school, huddled behind their desks, sniffing greedily at their strawberry erasers. that was a good year.

for most of my elementary school years i had my parties at the Saints roller rink. and even though i was terrible on skates (still am), i loved having my birthdays there. there was a special “birthday room” where we’d sit to eat and have cake. it was near the front, and it was raised up so everyone would pass by and see how special i was.

in junior high i had murder mystery parties. everyone dressed up in costumes and tried to ferret out the killer, all while enjoying angel food cake and raspberries. those were fun too, except i always wanted to be the killer and never was.

in high school i was the first one to turn 18 so a big boozy house party was in order. and back in those days it didn’t require much to get a buzz… just a few sickeningly sweet coolers/alcopops and i was “drunk”. woohoo! i’m an adult; getting older is awesome!!

of course not all birthdays have been that fantastic. there was my 19th: that terribly lonely birthday i spent on the other side of the world. no phone calls from friends or family, no birthday wishes from caring co-workers, no one to have so much as a birthday drink with me. i got home to a dark, empty flat. i spent that evening writing letters to friends back home, sipping jack daniels until i was utterly plastered, drinking straight from the bottle, and crying like a baby. yeah, that birthday scores low on the fun scale.

oh, so many birthdays. there were birthdays at clubs and there were birthdays in pubs. i danced on speakers; i fell off chairs. i’ve celebrated in canada, new zealand, scotland, and china. i can think back and remember every birthday i’ve had since i was about 6 years old. today, my parents, brother and sister each sang me the birthday song. i got lots of birthday wishes at work and on facebook. i got flowers from blair. tonight, i’ll trudge through the freshly fallen snow (oh so much of it!), have a few beers with a few friends, and add another birthday to the list.

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jail tires me out

i left the penitentiary mid-afternoon, stepping out to one of the most beautiful days i’ve seen in ages. i took in deep breaths of air, relishing my freedom. it was over. thank god it was over; i don’t think i could have lasted any longer. thinking back, it wasn’t so long ago that i entered the joint – nervous, scared, heart pounding – yet it felt so much longer. but that didn’t matter now, it was all behind me. it may have been unpleasant, but i would try to learn from the experience. mentally exhausted, i drove back to the city, the prison slowly disappearing into the distance behind me. it had been just over an hour.

i had a job interview at our penitentiary. i hate interviews, regardless of location.

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